Something that I have noticed as AI increases, performative social media replaces real connection, and as people continuously lose their own center– is that some people do not mind living in fantasy and delusion, if the feeling of it is going to bring them what they want.
Some people do not mind staying with fantasies that are unreal, even indefinitely, if it helps meet a hunger, gives them a rush of dopamine, or provides them some type of feeling that they are otherwise not receiving.
It may be counterfeit and it may not be real nourishment, but it will be tolerated as long as it feels good. Similar to our fast-food nation, our instant gratification lifestyles, and other types of addictions, these ideological strongholds keep us trapped in vicious cycles.
As long as the projection stays an empty vessel, doesn’t get impregnated, and doesn’t mature or birth into the reality of what it actually is, it can feel good for as long as it needs to. The reason for that is simply because it isn’t real.
There is no responsibility in a space like this.
There is no accountability, no changing of the diapers, and no disturbed sleep.
No heart wrenching loss of control or fear of loss.
Just the churning of another superficial and empty orgasm, over and over again.
In depth psychology, there is actually a benefit and process to fantasies, and it can be helpful to pay attention to them, because these daydreams, night dreams, or longings can signal deeper desires or fates inside of us that are asking to come to life. The unconscious will often speak in this way if it is unable to get our attention in our daily conscious life.
What becomes of these potential fantasies is whether we are able to properly integrate them into real life, or not. Or even just whether they are meant to be integrated or not.
When there is an internal splitting between fantasy and reality and an immature structure of knowing how to merge, one can begin to think that any type of fantasy can move into reality, any delusion is possible, and any type of dream one has is owed to them. There becomes a sense of entitlement to others, the universe, and to the way that the world works in general.
People stuck in these complexes become unable to properly sort their unconscious material. Here again, they become the perpetual orgasm seeker: more ideas, more dreams, more places to hide where everything is perfectly wonderful and beautiful– where I am perfectly wonderful and beautiful– and nothing requires anything real from me. Whatever I want can be mine. Whatever I want to be, I can be!
But why are reality and its limitations and gravity seen as such a bore and hinderance? Maybe there is wisdom in Saturnian limitation versus the nonstop desire of expansion of wanting more, more, and still, more. There is a way that some spiritual groups may frame these mindsets as being expansive and innovative and look down on anyone pushing back on frameworks like The Law of Attraction, The Law of Assumption, etc.
But these followers have often floated so far off into space, they haven’t stopped to ask: Is there a detriment to constantly living in one’s head among the clouds? Is there potentially a problem without being able to face reality and figure out what’s there first?
If one is not able to actually take these lofty ideals back down to earth to sort, implant, conceive, impregnate, nourish, grow, and then birth– is all of this constant ideological brainstorming, positive thinking, wishing, and hope holding mostly just a way to psychologically soothe oneself from the pains of life– and from the inability to properly sort and integrate true desires into something real? Is it a distraction from the pain of recognizing that you don’t have the capacity to move through these steps and are potentially inept or infertile? Or that you are being dishonest with yourself or others, somehow?
At what point does one admit to themselves that not everything is actually possible, not every wish will be lived out, and that many people have not ever had their hopes, longings, dreams, and desires play out, despite prayer, consistent positive thought, or other spiritual offerings.
At what point, is one able to honestly look at fate, wars, childhood cancer, people living in war in other countries, the interdependence and intersections of life, poverty, health conditions, privileges, mental illnesses, etc., and realize that no, we do not all get to live out our every hope or wish? Many of us will live ordinary lives and ordinariness will just have to do. Some of us will live tragic lives and it has nothing at all to do with us personally or what we did or didn’t think about.
At one point does one realize that they must choose, they must dedicate, they must commit to a path, instead of living within fantasy worlds where their ego flies high but their soul never gets to actually exist?
In myth and Jungian psychology, there is a term for those who stay in the realm of perpetual possibility and imagination and cannot ground in reality. The Puer aeternus (the eternal boy) is a Peter Pan complex. For women, it is called the Puella aeternus (the eternal girl). It represents a complex operating inside of a world like Never Land where there is no growing up, no reality, no real anything to stop the eternal wish of never having any boundaries or limitations. One can float around, fly around, and dream as often as they’d like.
But in this, is also a place where people remain perpetually stunted and shallow. There is no ability to commit, dedicate, or come down from the sky or the clouds. In Pinocchio’s world, there is no becoming a real boy, or a real person. This is dictated in the scene where the boys become donkeys playing at the circus and drinking the substances that morph them. There is so much dreaming, high hopes, distractions, and “fun”, they all completely miss that they are turning into jackasses who no longer have control over themselves or their lives at all.
How then, can we take our fantasies, and merge them in ourselves, where they may have a chance at playing out?
It depends.
Not every longing or wish will come true. Some may but even some dreams are not meant to come true.
One question to reflect on is: Can you live with that? Can you create space for that grief and pain?
On the other end, real and lasting unconscious material that nudges you is not usually something that just happens overnight. This type of material is usually an intense and real process of growth. This type of growth does not always come in ease or perpetual loftiness of feeling good. It’s not a perpetual high of floating through the clouds. Many times, this type of growth teaches you to root deeper, grow slower, spend more time in silence, and typically there is a lot of emptying out– not gathering more.
Much like in real life and the impregnation, birth of, and raising of a baby– there is an arduous process. And sometimes it can be a long process.
Maybe one decides that they want a baby years before they try to have one. There could be ups, downs, and loss along the way.
First is the implantation and explosion of lightness into the darkness of womb time. Then becomes a process of nurturing, holding for an appropriate time, and waiting for birth. And once birth comes, it is an entirely different stage from before. It’s intense, darkness coming to light, and a usual hoping that it happens somewhat quickly.
Every body is different in how long this process will take and how it looks.
And then once the baby is born, this begins the long journey of the various stages of growing a human, as well as the process of a mother becoming a Mother, and a father becoming a Father.
Most fantasies and dreams that do end up coming into fruition at some point, take time, work, preparation, and even pain. Sometimes you will wish they never entered in at all because of the grief, waiting, and growth that can accompany these stages is not what you had expected and doesn’t give you the happy feelings you hoped you’d get from the initial desire.
There will be twists, turns, learning, growing, storms, droughts, pruning, dying off, new growth, and cycles– just like in all of the rest of life and nature.
There is wisdom, life, nourishment, and realness in these processes that can’t be and won’t be imitated anywhere else, especially not in the clouds or space where nothing can actually live or grow.
It is better to wait and get to enjoy the deep fulfillment from the sweet, earthy, real fruit of a tree that started from seed, rather than a sickly-sweet burst of artificial candy that makes you sick because it’s never actually satisfying.
Reflections:
What fantasies are speaking to me right now?
Is this a legitimate desire or a projection?
What am I avoiding facing that I think this fantasy will provide a quick fix for?
How is living in this fantasy easier than facing what the unconscious is asking of me?
What unconscious material is welling up that I have not been listening to?
Look to your daydreams, fantasies, night dreams – what patterns are showing up?
What themes? Is something trying to reach you that you’ve been ignoring
Illusions & Delusions & Fantasies, oh my!
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